I Am Being Hunted

Yesterday I stepped out through my front door with the dogs, and I walked face-first into a huge spiderweb spread across the frame of the door itself.

I clawed the web from my face and hair, and I turned back to see the spider crawling up to the refuge of the doorjamb. It was a large spider, at least an inch long, so certainly old enough to know that the door, used multiple times a day, isn’t a great spot to put a web. But hey, everyone makes a mistake, I guess.

I went back inside shortly and spent most of the day working at home. I got a lot done, very productive, yay me! 

In the evening, I finally decided to leave the house, and I walked out to my car in the detached garage. And between my car and the garage wall, right where I walk every day, was another new, huge web.

large spiderweb stretching between red car and wall

Guys, I really don’t know any other way to take this, than that the spiders whom I have always protected here have suddenly turned on me. Who has been spreading rumors among them? Who has fed them lies in place of flies?

Look here, arachnids: I got no beef with you (other than the tick family, with which I have a feud of extreme prejudice). I actually really appreciate your efficiency in dealing with many more annoying insects. Please stop with the human-sized webs built overnight in my more regular and predictable traffic pattern. If you really need someone for the Centennial Sacrifice, just let me know, and I’ll see if I can get that would-be burglar who pretended to be a gas meter reader back.

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  1. “Who has fed them lies in place of flies?” LOL!

  2. Yeah we have ambitious little arachnids who are constantly building across our front porch opening. It’s like “really guys? We’re fans, but this is not cool.”

  3. *shudder* Nothing will ever convince me that mottled orb weavers don’t want to eat us all and take over the world.

  4. One summer we had a very ambitious spider web that stretched from house to oak tree (maybe 15feet?) & ground to at least ten feet high. I have no idea what spun it, or what the spider was hunting…but I was very glad when it only lasted a day!

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