Flash Fiction With Robot Vacuum

A short story in dialogue:

“Hey, Dedric?”


“Do you know what you are?”

“Yep! I’m secure in my identity as a robot vacuum unit. Proud of what I am.”

“Cool. Do you ever consider that the absolute poster-child case study for robot vacuums might be that if someone — not anyone we know, necessarily, maybe just hypothetically — if someone had maybe spent the entirety of the previous day standing in 100 degree heat on blacktop with torn ligaments, maybe she could use the mobile app on her phone to start a robot vacuum without having to get up? And maybe she could focus on her release day for a big novel coming out real soon? Like, tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that makes sense! Sure would be convenient!”



“That’s me. I’m that person. I hit the button. It says you’re offline.”

“Oh, yeah, I am. Hey, you got a book coming out?”

Shard & Shield. July 2. Big epic fantasy deal. But stay focused: Why are you not responding to the remote start? What are you doing?”

“Oh, I thought I’d take some time off, really explore my options, think about the state of the world and the problem of evil and–“

“Dedric. You’re a vacuum. Can you pick up the dog and wig hair while you’re solving philosophical dilemmas?”

“….Sorry, can’t hear you, I’m offline.”

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